In almost 30 years of consistent training and 20 years of coaching, two of the toughest things to see are people putting in so much work for all the wrong reasons and giving up not knowing how close they were to reaching their goals. Very different things, but equally as difficult to watch. In both instances, there is so much wasted effort and sacrifice. On one hand, it brought nothing but emptiness at the end. On the other, it brought nothing at all…because you quit. Anything worth achieving in life requires hard work and perseverance, but anything you are going to work hard and persevere through should be worth achieving.
““It’s supposed to be hard. If it wasn’t hard, everyone would do it. The hard is what makes it great.””
Two questions to answer:
Who is the goal for…really?
Have you set yourself up to succeed mentally?
Who are you working so hard for?
There has been quite a bit of discussion about extrinsic vs. intrinsic goals. It has become a common conclusion that external goals won’t do anything for you and that you will only succeed when you find a deep-rooted meaning to what you are working towards. Not entirely true…not entirely false.
Searching for an internal meaning or purpose to every goal we have as a prerequisite to getting started can often lead to quite the opposite…not starting. Many times when we think of goals the only thing we can see initially are external motivations. Losing weight because you want to look good on the beach is more often than not because you are thinking about other people thinking you look good on the beach. Getting a promotion a lot of times is about earning more money or status, which once again, is mostly about you envisioning what other people will think once you acquire these things. At first glance this can all seem bad, but guess what? If these things get you started eating better, consistently working hard in the gym or learning more about how to be successful in your industry then that’s a good thing.
The key is, if you are going to make these changes permanent and/or know it is truly something worth the sacrifice, you will have to transition to something internal that is driving you sooner or later.
Lack of internal motivations can lead to many weeks, hours and months of hard work for all the wrong reasons. This can cause you to feel like the ESPN story of the man that found himself at the top of Mt. Everest with nothing but regret.
When things get tough, when bumps in the road happen, what other people think will quickly fade away. What YOU think and why YOU want to achieve this goal will allow you to keep showing up and keep putting in the work even in the face of adversity.
What are your checkpoints?
I was watching a documentary on National Geographic about Navy Seal Training. At some point they began discussing at what point the most people quit. To my surprise, it was not during what they call “Hell Week”. The week where the physical and mental demands are kicked up to a level that most could not last a single hour enduring. No. Without hesitation, they all mentioned a particular training exercise where the distance of the mission was not disclosed. This exercise is what mentally broke the most candidates.
Think about it…
Even if you were tasked with a crazy activity of walking from New York to Los Angeles, there is a known beginning and end. Roughly 2,446 miles is a long way, but you can still count it down. You can estimate the time frame and begin making progress. 2,445…2,444…1,000…250…done. When your body starts breaking down and your brain is begging you to stop…you can break it up in your mind, have an idea of the time left, chip away and know that each step is getting you closer.
What if they just told you to start walking? No destination, no time frame…just walk. What happens when your body starts to ache and all those negative thoughts begin to speak loudly? What can you rationalize or calculate to get you through it? Nothing, you have nothing but your will to keep going. That will can easily break without a very specific definition of success.
“It is a slow process, but quitting won’t speed it up. ”
Too often, I see this with personal goals. Working for the wrong reasons, no clear beginning and no defined end. Even if there are specific numbers we are shooting for and have found an internal motivator, we always think it will happen much quicker than it will. We underestimate the work required and overestimate the speed in which we will get there.
The picture above is such a good illustration of what often happens. On the top, I see the expression of a man that is blinded by empty goals…hammering away towards empty rewards. Exhaustion…for things that don’t matter.
On the bottom, I see someone who has lost hope because they didn’t know how so very close they were to achieving their dreams. One more swing and they would have found what they were looking for. Just one more. It doesn’t always exactly get us to our final destination, but it was the breakthrough we didn’t wait for. The moment it would have all started to come together to get us to that final destination.
I think a lot of people are willing to give the effort if they knew it would be worth it.
Here is the thing you need to understand…you decide what that effort will be by what you decide is worth it. Read that again.